I remember my first flashback it was after I started the training for the rape crisis hotline, and suddenly I began to cry, I felt helpless and angry.

Flashbacks, panic reactions, feeling emotionally dissociated and other combinations of automatic reactions can be extremely frightening and unpleasant.  They usually happen without warning.  In an instant you can find yourself lost in another world, feeling things you dont want to be feeling and doing things you dont want to be doing.  These feelings and reactions can temporarily deny you a sense of mentally and physically in control of yourself.  You may feel as though you are loosing control of your present reality.  As survivors we do our best to avoid them, we stay away from situations that have anything to do with touch, sex and intimacy.  We shut down. The problem with that is  that can become a problem. Staying away from touch and sexual experiences makes these experiences even more unusual and even more likely to cause us to be more upset when they occur.

What we need to do is understand, respect and even accept our feelings and reactions before we can develop new ways to calm and diffuse their influence over us.

Some common reactions to disclosure.

After I told my mother, she became very angry with the perpertrator, and I felt a sense of relief, however all too common after we disclose to family members, they expect us to “move on and stop dwelling on the past”, those were the words of my father, somehow I was now to blame for what I was feeling. 

Our families response is important to help us calm down, allay our fears and stem the damage.  Although telling our families is not the end all, we do need to seek professional counseling.  All too common, is that our family members may remain silent, playing ignorant, because when the survivor talks, it may bring up stories of more abuse within the family.  (We’ve talked about this issue in another blog).  Family members may also minimize what we’ve told them, ” It only happen one time”.  One time, two times, three times, a violation took place. They can be bold enough to blame us, this can be a very painful form of rejection also doubting us, asking  ” Are you sure?”,  this is just their denial.  Again please continue to seek out help, and begin your recovery immediately. (GM)