Incest is such a traumatic violation that its victim often forget that it even occurred.  But the emotional scars live on confusing in their seeming meaninglessness.  Ongoing problems with relationships, sex, trust, addictions, paralyzing depression and guilt can, when the cause is unknown, feel crazy and out of control.  The checklist can be used as a guide to help adult survivors identify themselves and know that there are real reasons for their unrelenting difficulties-that, in fact, these “problems” are actually healthy attempts to cope with an impossible situation.

     Incest has traditionally been defined as sex and/or marriage between close relatives.  But incest, the most common form of child sexual abuse, is, above all, child abuse-abuse of the child’s personal and sexual boundaries by the very person (s) entrusted with her care.  And sexual violation can occur through the way a child is talked to or looked at, even when there is no touching at all.  Incest, then, is any use of minor child to meet the sexual/emotional needs of one or more persons whose authority is derived through on going emotional bonding with that child ( parents, step-parents, babysitter, sibling, mother’s boyfriend, teacher, priest, family doctor).  note that incest is an abuse of power relationship, not a blood relationship; it is the violation of trust that damages the child.

     Incest is expecially common in alcoholic families.  On the alcoholic’s part  this is due to damaged judgement, a need to control others ( momentarily statisfied thorugh playing out dominant/submissive gender roles), and inability to identify with other human beings ( to care about the damage he does to others).  Often the alcoholic does not remember the experience(s), or applying the same defenses that surround alcoholic drinking and other alcohol behaviors, he denies, minimizes, projects blame.  But these defenses are not exclusive to perpertrators who are alcoholic-and not all alcohol-related incest is attributable to the disease of alcoholism.  Also, families where there is incest, like alcoholic families, have denial systems, and both experience total confusion of boundaries and disregard for the legitimately dependent developing child.  As you will see from this list, children of alcoholics and incest survivors share many other charasteristics, along with other adults who endured such childhood trauma  as battering, etc.

Next time the list of items  which could mean you are a survivor of incest and coping mechanisms.

Copyright by E. Sue Blume, Author of “Secret Survivors” ( an excellent book, every survivor should have a copy).