As you heal from child sexual abuse and talk more about the trauma, you will become more comfortable with what you tell others, especially family members.

The details you share of the abuse is up to you, and you can choose to share what you are confident about. Usually a survivor will share with a family member you are most comfortable with, because you will receive various responses from family.

Usually a survivor will tell a family member what took place and immediately the family member will want to know what exactly happened between you and perpertrator. Then after the family member has time to absorb the information they will want to talk more about the perpertrator.

Family members will express different emotions,and ask all sorts of questions. Believe it or not this communication will help make a better relationship between family members, because communication is taking place and that is one of the key steps to healing.

Now as a survivor you have the option to answer and not answer questions, the ones that make you uncomfortable, you need to say that you cannot answer. As a general rule, your privacy and boundaries are important here.

Each time your family asks questions about the abuse, be prepared for different reactions, be thoughtful of your family’s emotions now, because these emotions will affect you too. As these discussions take place, a survivor can reexperience thoughts about the sexual abuse that they resolved. This is normal part of what happens when telling the family what happened.

Please be prepared that not all family members will believe what you have to say about the perpertrator, you may feel angry with family for this, even sad, but it is important that you know the truth, and again ” the truth shall set you free”, and its not about changing anyone else but changing and healing yourself.. As you heal you will become better at setting boundaries, and developing healthy relationships, promoting safety and trust in your life. Family members who respect and trust you are those you keep close to you. To avoid unstable relationship there must be trust, not chaos, crisis and inconsistency, and as a survivor we want to definelty avoid this in our lives.

Here are few ideas:

Establishing Boundaries:

No one touches you without your permission and consent, and you touch no one without their persmission and consent.

Choose who you want to be sexual with, some one who is safe and you feel comfortable and who you have a reciprocity in terms of respect, love and care.

Trust is conditional; people earn trust, as well they earn yours. There are different levels of trust for different people.

Do not tolerate disrespectful behavior and speak up when it happens.

Honor your feelings and those of others

Stand up for your self and believe in you right to do so.

Give yourself permission to be who you are and to try new experiences

Affirm your life today, and acknowledge the good that exist in your life today

Take time for yourself and not allow others to intrude on your time. Say no and do not feel guilty.

Praise yourself often.

Excerpts from Healing from the Trauma of Sexual abuse by Karen Duncan.