Let say you are dating/married to/ living with a survivor of  child sexual abuse.  Please know that  sexual abuse and sexual healing recovery work can trigger personal issues for the partner. These emotional issues relate to unresolved feelings from the partner’s past and may arise now because the partner feels vulnerable from the stress involved in healing.  A partner who felt sexually rejected in a previous   relationship, for example , may be extremely sensitive to feeling rejected now.

The lack of comfortable physical intimacy seems to affect all partners to some degree, making them doubt their sexual attractiveness and adequacy.  Even when they know intellectually that the survivor’s sexual issues relate primarily to past abuse, many partners have to constantly battle inner tendencies to feel that they themselves are  not personally being sexually rejected.

Many partners are also pained by witnessing the survivor’s emotional suffering and struggle.  They may worry about the survivor’s mental health and physical welfare.  In time partners may become more keenly aware that they are secondary victims of the survivor’s abuse ” I find myself absorbing a lot of pain and ugliness of his abuse” a partner said.

Partners themselves may have been physically or emotionally abuse in the past.  Many partners come from dysfunctional families, failed to get the support and nurturance they needed as children, or suffered earlier traumatic experiences.  Now they may feel they lack knowledge and skills to respond to survivors in recovery.

Partners may feel uncomfortable with the whole issue of sexual abuse, and may not be ready to address the issue for themselves.

Partners and survivors need to challenge themselves and individual concerns, but they need to be sensitive to each other’s feelings and reactions.

If you are feeling powerless, challenge your self to find positive ways to overcome your powerlessness.