INCEST & A FAMILY IN DENIAL
INCEST DEFINED
“Sexual activities, including intercourse, sexual exposure, fondling of breasts and genital contact and penetration of any kind with blood or non-blood family members and or with quasi-family members; persons substituting in family, guardian, caretaker or authority roles from whom the child should not expect sexual advances” (Benward & Densen Gerber, 1975).
SHAME AND SCANDAL IN THE FAMILY
Little research has been done on the characteristics of an incest family. And, it is easy to understand why because incest is just not something people speak about at all. It is one of those deep dark secrets that live in families for generations; that family members take to their graves.
RESEARCH FEW AND FAR BETWEEN
It has been extremely difficult for clinicians to gather strong empirical data on the characteristics of an incest family. The studies which have been done are few and far between and are also limited by the small numbers of families who actually speak out.
In a study of 48 families, of the accused
- 48% were biological fathers
- 19% were stepfathers
- 17% were adult male friends and family
- 4% were brothers
- 3% were mothers
MOTHERS ALSO SEXUALLY ABUSED AS CHILDREN
Some interesting dynamics are at play. In most cases, the mothers (nonoffending parent) were themselves either sexually abused as children or victims of incest. Also interesting is that many of the fathers (offending parent) reported that they engaged in only minimal nurturing of the victim when she was a baby.
ALCOHOL AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE
Substance abuse plays a key role in that a huge percent of offending parents used alcohol prior to the abusive episode. The offending parent has usually suffered physical and emotional abuse as a child and some form of maltreatment or neglect.
INCEST VICTIMS RARELY TAKE LEGAL ACTION
Clinicians usually come face-to-face with incest if child protective services have stepped into the home and removed a child. Many families shun legal involvement; hoping to stave off criminal charges because the perpetrator is family. Realistically, how many people would put their father in jail?
Once the victim/child is removed from the home, the family is usally mandated for treatment. And even then, some things are never said, the denial continues.
A FAMILY IN DENIAL
DENIAL: Generally, there are four (4) types of denial that emerge from an incest family in treatment/therapy:
- DENIAL OF FACTS: the family openly challenges the reality of the incestuous abuse
- DENIAL OF IMPACT:while admitting that incest occurred, the family often tries to minimize the intensity of the meaning of incestuous abuse or the impact the abuse had on the victim
- DENIAL OF RESPONSIBILITY: demonstrated by family members who question the offender’s culpability and try to blame someone else, a neighbour, a friend, a boyfriend
- DENIAL OF AWARENESS: where family members state that if the abuse did occur they knew nothing of it
HOW COULD YOU, DADDY?
What is revealed in a clinical context is that incest is neither an act of a “sicko” or a family member who has suddenly been possessed by some “evil” spirit that hungers for sex with relatives, nor is the perpetrator a helpless victims who just cannot control his urges.
TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT
What is revealed is a particular family structure:
- socially isolated
- very enmeshed
- quite rigid
- nonadaptable to change
- secretive communication patters
- infrequent discussion of feelings
- little attentive listening
- lack of conflict resolution skills
- the father is often dominant and attempts to parent the mother
- the offender is most times the disciplinarian, favouring a strict disciplinary style
- privacy is never offered or available to family members
- extremely close family loyalty demanded
WHEN A PARENT IS THE PERPETRATOR
It is also interesting to note that from this study of 48 families and the offending parent:
- 1 in 4 of offending parents had a recognisable form of psychopathy
- nonoffending parent (mother) is passive and dependent
- all three; offending parent, nonoffending parent, and victim all suffered low self esteem
- there was some sociopathy in offending parents
The following statistics are only limited to a particular research study conducted with 48 incest families in Michigan. The following statistics outline the psychological state of the offending parent, the non-offending parent and the victim.
THE OFFENDING PARENT (more fathers than stepfathers)
- poor self esteem 44%
- views self as victim 41%
- pedophile fantasies 34%
- aggressive 33%
- antisocial personality 31%
- passive/dependent 28%
- very extroverted 19%
- very introverted 17%
- psychosis 10%
- depression 7%
- risk of suicide 5%
THE NON-OFFENDING PARENT (usually mother)
- poor self esteem 74%
- view self as victim 64%
- passive/dependent 52%
- depression 47%
- very introverted 23%
- very extroverted 13%
- aggressive 13%
- risk of suicide 13%
- antisocial 4%
- psychosis 2%
VICTIM
- poor self esteem 48%
- view self as victim 45%
- very introverted 29%
- very extroverted 24%
- depression 22%
- passive/dependent 20%
- risk of suicide 13%
- anti social 4%
- aggressive 4%
- psychosis 2%
Researchers Terry S. Tepper, Dawn Niedwer, Linda Mika, Mary Jo Barrett (1996)